Well, folks, there’s just no other way to put this.

I have badly, badly, stagnated.

Why? Well, I think the main culprit is the fact that I haven’t been very busy with my work since the beginning of the year. And seeing as I found out I was being laid off just before Christmas, it’s easy to say that my engagement and motivation with my job isn’t at an all-time high.

My ability to write has seriously atrophied. And not just creating prose – I’m making grammatical errors, spelling errors even. ‘Use it or lose it’ has never held that much meaning for me until now. I’m watching the drive and the capacity to string a sentence or three together slipping through my fingers and, to be honest, I’m quite scared. All because I haven’t had much to do at work.

‘All this time on your hands!’ I hear you say. ‘Getting paid to do nothing? I would love that!’
Would you, really? Clock-watching has now become a competitive sport. There’re only so many times you can refresh the news website, if you can get it to load in the first place. I also have three competitive priorities outside work and writing – my upcoming wedding (12 weeks, are you kidding me), finding a new job (3 weeks left, 1 pay cycle left), and the fact that my boyfriend and I have just moved into our first flat and all the problems inherent with that (sharing chores, Ikea runs, fights with the useless real estate, mould infestations, no internet, cat to the head at 3am). It frustrates me that I have all this time, time I could devote to job hunting, wedding crafting, writing even, and I can’t. By the time I get home, I’m tired, cranky, and frustrated and want to do none of the above. And the times I do have work to do, it comes out completely terrible. Even an event invitation is a two-day massive think, and it’s crap when it comes out. Boredom can be completely exhausting. The internet at work is spotty, as is the one at home (I’m getting my cable internet installed next weekend, hence the massive delay after we moved six weeks ago. We’re on a mobile dongle for now).

I know, woe is absolutely me. So, I’m trying. I’m going to try really hard to break these chains. We’ve moved to the suburbs, which is what I really wanted, but I didn’t realise I would miss so much about city life. I thought I was completely over it.
I’m no longer within stumbling distance of my beloved Jurassic Lounge, or Kino Sydney, nor any festivities like Art Month or the upcoming Biennale. Any excursions now have to be properly planned to accommodate an hour’s travelling time each way, which has made me reticent to go out (plus the money). Although my part of the city has a very strong arts scene, it really can’t compare to all that happens in the main CBD. But on the upside, I no longer have to worry about syringes, high people running around at 2am with a sword and ten police trying to talk them down, and the constant smell of urine. I also have grass in my yard, no stairs in my flat, have access to a phalanx of exquisite Indian restaurants and wake to the clippity-clop of horses being taken out for training runs. The suburbs aren’t all bad.

I’m still trying to get back on my feet. Thankfully the process of making my wedding flowers is quite relaxing, and things are coming together (my wedding dress is being altered and looks absolutely smashing). I have a few threads I can use for jobs if I get really stuck (plus I admit I could use a week’s break). The house is sorting itself out, and looking after ourselves has been a hell of a learning curve.

How can I put myself on a mental bootcamp? Shake up my brain and get it working again? How can I get excited about life again, instead of just coming home from work and flopping on the couch until bedtime? I’d be interested to hear your suggestions.

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