So, in the latest of a long line of impulsive ideas and decisions, here’s a big one. Remember this post in which I lamented my lack of tertiary education?

I’ve decided, next year, I’m going to fix it.

I’ve decided to enrol at Macquarie University as a distance learning student in Semester 2, 2013. I will be studying a Bachelor of Science majoring in Museum Studies. This study will fit in around me doing full-time work.

It sounds a lot. It definitely will be. Hopefully I will return to permanent full-time work soon (at the moment I have temporary assignments). The commute can take me away from home 11-12 hours a day. I haven’t studied intensely or written essays for nearly ten years, when I finished high school. I do worry about how I’m going to cope. I found a free online preparatory course available from Charles Darwin University in the Northern Territory, so I’m trying it out before I commit.

Committing will take up six years of my life, and put me in debt to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. I don’t have full-time work yet, and neither does my husband. I had planned overseas holidays and the like. So, why?

The unfortunate answer is that I’m desperately bored with my life. I love my family, and my job(s) pay the bills, but there’s nothing more. I get up, kiss my husband goodbye, get on a train, answer phones all day, get back on a train, go home and watch TV for a couple of hours before I crash into bed. I’m writing less and less – I don’t have the motivation. I don’t have the brainpower. Work and sleep is not enough. So why not have a massive boot up the arse in the form of an intense, expensive university degree!

It will be hard, but I will love it. I loved doing Museum Practice at TAFE, but I felt like I squandered a lot of learning opportunities there, and didn’t work as hard as I could, or should, have. University has always been a dream of mine – my family are very working class, and no one in my family has gone. Neither of my parents, who are both very intelligent, got to finish high school. And after the disaster of my HSC year, I felt slightly cheated. Robbed of my potential. This is my way of making up for it, as an older and hopefully more mature, worldly person.

Of course I’m frightened. I’m scared of failure. I’m scared of messing up. I’m scared of not being able to hack it. At worst I will be left with the aforementioned huge debt and an uncompleted mess. But to be honest, I’ve spent my life scared of lots of things. Scared to be myself. Scared to do what I  wanted. What will people think? The most beautiful thing about getting older and standing on my own two feet is that I’ve started to care less, and less, and less. So, this is it. This is my time. This is me doing something purely for myself. I don’t expect it will increase my vocational opportunities. This is learning for learning’s sake, and I recognise that. But it’s something I always wanted.

So, here goes nothing.

Advertisements